Welcome!

Welcome to the world of Captain Scratchy! I add cartoons and comics to the Humor on a Roll section below numerous times a week, and I add content to the other pages on this site regularly, so come back often to see what's new!

Humor on a Roll

Click on any individual post to expand and read the accompanying text.

21 hours ago

Bear not doing great business with the kissing booth

Does a bear kiss in the woods? This one does ... for a price.

3 days ago

Goldfish has a disturbing realization

The driving force behind Captain Scratchy has always been this: Provide content that is thought-provoking and capable of inspiring...

5 days ago

Bear advice: Take two herring and call me in the morning

Four out of five medical experts do NOT recommend putting herring in your ears. (The fifth expert is a bear who somehow got a medical...

Jun 2

These two Swifties are really disappointed

My heart goes out to Shark and Manatee. They are never, ever, ever, ever getting over this. Looks like there’s some bad blood between...

May 31

The shark seems a little perturbed by the lifeguard

Nothing out of the ordinary here. Every beach season features the classic showdown between sharks and lifeguards, and we wouldn't have it...

May 29

A cow wanders into a backyard barbecue

Give the cow another beer or two, and then repeat that question.

May 26

A bear limps into a doctor's office ...

This cartoon uses a variation of a joke told by the hilarious Sam Buttrey during the Jeopardy Masters tournament. Sam — a dead ringer for...

May 24

Dog-tired dog has dibs on the couch

How about it, dog owners? Do you live with a Couch Hog? Have you made peace with the fact that your pooch is the King or Queen of the Couch?

May 22

Are you SURE you're not scared of bears?

Were you taunting the bear? NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DID! The bear has a damn CLOWN PUPPET! Seriously. A clown puppet. I can't even.

May 19

Shark's comedy bit is lost on the dolphin

Dolphins and shares are rarely on the same wavelength, and the sad fact is that Edward doesn't have the sharpest sense of humor.

May 17

Taking the cat for a walk can be a (slow) adventure

Taking the cat for a walk is only for the brave and patient. VERY patient.

May 14

Mom easily spots a Mother's Day prank

Even the dog looks a little robotic to me. Anyway, I’m sending VERY REAL wishes for a Happy Mother’s Day to all the awesome moms out there!

May 12

Doctor seems to be unfamiliar with the workings of a cow

Later, the doctor told the cow she'd have to stay in the hospital for the rest of the week, or until the staff ran out of cookies.

May 10

Drunk bear in your tub

Finding a drunk bear in your tub will happen to all of us eventually. If you're lucky, the bear will bring its own beverages and not get...

May 8

Great White Shark really hates being wet

Please, somebody get the shark a towel. It must be excruciating to be wet all the time, unless you're always as chill as a manatee.

May 5

The goldfish and the game-changing decorative rocks

I wrote and drew these as separate cartoons, but I couldn't decide which one I liked better, so I'm posting both of them. Which one do...

May 3

Not the kind of follower you want following you

Here's proof that gaining a new follower isn't always a good thing.

May 1

Dog accuses cat of planning murder

A note to all cat lovers: I DO NOT believe that all cats are potential murderers. Just most of them.

Apr 28

Manatee doesn't provide much comfort to Sad Alligator

We hadn't checked in on Sad Alligator in a while. Sadly, it seems he's sadder than ever. It doesn't help when Manatee unleashed that...

Apr 26

Bear in the woods meets his match on the path

That's an encounter the bear won't soon forget.

Apr 23

Is that a manatee behind you? The answer might surprise you.

The next time you're in the water, try not to think about the possibility that four manatees and one great white shark have formed a line...

Apr 21

Someone finds the end of Happy Hour unbearable

When Happy Hour ends, let's hope the only thing the bear attacks is that bowl of pretzels.

Apr 19

The dog seems to be malfunctioning

But those collars are quite effective at neutralizing fleas, so it's a fair tradeoff.

Apr 17

Great white shark doesn't appreciate Jaws spoiler

For those of you who haven't gotten around to watching Jaws just yet, direct your complaints about this spoiler to the hammerhead.

Apr 14

Bear meets an especially terrifying sloth

Great. Just when I've made my peace with Cocaine Bear, now my nightmares will be dominated by Cocaine Sloth.

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